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Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever experience that familiar forever. Will I ever be a love story?
I have a dangerous urge to be invisible… until love.
Something does something to me that nothing can explain.
And then “happily ever after” never arrives… Or maybe just takes too long on a hard, rough road… and then I burn.
Like the Phoenix in the fire.
Only to resurrect in the abyss of falling… all over again.
Fearless, but broken.
So though I go… fast, vulnerable and innocent, my wings weak,
so even when I’m flying as hard as I can,
the wind defeats me
and I retract.
An impossible high—to ever get over you.
Unless you’re on top of me… I’m flying low.
But then I saw our son… and he has your smile & my eyes,
Our home, unorganized and eccentric, just the way we intended,
And my dad shook your hand, gave you his blessing
—our wedding bands.
The stuffed giraffe in the rear window, that you won for me at the fair
How can I deny that?
No matter how many times you mess up, I love you the same as the first day.
And then there’s nothing bigger than us…
Nothing else exists…
Just your music, playing on my heartstrings
strumming along to the melodic wave of bliss that I feel when we kiss
and I remember I love you more than life itself
and when you leave, I die.
So I give in to the familiar forever, the white picket fence…
and until it exists,
Invisible like the air.
At this very moment, I am everywhere except where I need to be.

Another night, no sleep
Over-thinking may get the best of me
Wondering why I don’t smell like you.
Why I can’t call you and tell you I’m lonely
I want to be with you,
or in solitude. 
Un-enchanted in my awkwardness… how I wish I could make them leave,
And these fears always get the best of me. 
I wish I knew how you do it…
Not let your pride get in the way of your soft-spot for my melancholy?
Not need my affirmation, but care just the same. 
I often wonder,
How long has my forever been lost in never-land?
Wondering when you will return again, 
and then I go back to square one.
Professing with my mouth, clearly out of my mind… said my heart was on the run. 
I let it get away from me, 
Let my worries get the best of me. 
I wish you were here…
You have a way of looking at me that makes everything disappear. 
Why can we just runaway together…
why does it seem that I’m always over-sharing my forever?
I just want to share it you. 
Sometimes I dream of giving you everything, simply because I know I have already received an advance on your reciprocity…
But it’s another night…. No sleep 
and over-thinking is getting the best of me. 
Wondering if you’re awake, and if you are, are you smiling?
I hate that my mind ever makes me doubt you, 
but my heart… my heart believes in what’s true
and though impediments remain,
My only wonder is who sent you?

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